The Power of a Conversation About Your WIP
>By Molly Borter
The writing process is filled with hits and misses, twists and turns, and proud moments and disappointments. For the most part, the process came easy to me during my college years. I listened intently during lectures and made writing into a solitary experience, one in which I would sit in my silent room and let my own characters and creations float onto the page. I somehow managed to successfully integrate my professor’s tips into my pieces, would get mostly positive workshop feedback, and then continue the process all over again.It wasn’t until my final year at school that I realized my biggest flaw as a writer was my lack of conversation. During this time, I worked as a writing tutor helping students of all backgrounds talk about their writing, whether it was a brainstorming session on a personal essay or a discussion about dialogue flow in their romance novel. During our discussions, we would work together, both recognizing the areas that were going well and the components of their stories that were lacking. The conversations we had during their process made them that much more confident, their writing that much more focused, and the constant back-and-forth of ideas provided an alternate perspective in my own pieces.
Conversations are often taken for granted; most of us only talk about our writing once it is a finished product and not a work in progress. As adult writers, we have editors and family members to mention where we think our latest book’s plot may lead. These passing mentions in an email or at the dinner table are great, but when’s the last time you really sat down with someone in the middle or beginning of this process to tell them your fears in your character’s believability? When you needed help to overcome a huge writer’s block? When you finally created the perfect love scene between your hero and heroine? These concerns and accomplishments should be shared before, and not after, the book is printed.
Opening up that dialogue—no matter how experienced you are—is a healthy and significant part of the writing process. Whether it be with a colleague, with a spouse, a novelist friend, or a complete stranger, it is so vitally important to hear feedback, because we walk a fine, stressful line between finding a place in our minds where our stories come alive and actually letting the words on the page take readers to that same alternate world. Writing is our own, but it also thrives from being a collaborative experience, which in turn makes your job as a writer that much more entertaining, complex, and compelling.
My challenge to you is one that I continue to struggle with: Leave your messy computer desk, come out of that writing nook in the corner of your room, and talk about your writing. Although it may be difficult to expose yourself so early in the process, your clear mind, fresh perspective, and faithful readers will thank you for it.
Bio:
Molly Borter graduated with a degree in English Writing at DePauw University and works as a writer in Indianapolis, IN. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, blogging about beauty products and fashionable sunglasses, and spending time with her family and friends.
>The Power of a Conversation About Your WIP
>By Molly Borter
The writing process is filled with hits and misses, twists and turns, and proud moments and disappointments. For the most part, the process came easy to me during my college years. I listened intently during lectures and made writing into a solitary experience, one in which I would sit in my silent room and let my own characters and creations float onto the page. I somehow managed to successfully integrate my professor’s tips into my pieces, would get mostly positive workshop feedback, and then continue the process all over again.It wasn’t until my final year at school that I realized my biggest flaw as a writer was my lack of conversation. During this time, I worked as a writing tutor helping students of all backgrounds talk about their writing, whether it was a brainstorming session on a personal essay or a discussion about dialogue flow in their romance novel. During our discussions, we would work together, both recognizing the areas that were going well and the components of their stories that were lacking. The conversations we had during their process made them that much more confident, their writing that much more focused, and the constant back-and-forth of ideas provided an alternate perspective in my own pieces.
Conversations are often taken for granted; most of us only talk about our writing once it is a finished product and not a work in progress. As adult writers, we have editors and family members to mention where we think our latest book’s plot may lead. These passing mentions in an email or at the dinner table are great, but when’s the last time you really sat down with someone in the middle or beginning of this process to tell them your fears in your character’s believability? When you needed help to overcome a huge writer’s block? When you finally created the perfect love scene between your hero and heroine? These concerns and accomplishments should be shared before, and not after, the book is printed.
Opening up that dialogue—no matter how experienced you are—is a healthy and significant part of the writing process. Whether it be with a colleague, with a spouse, a novelist friend, or a complete stranger, it is so vitally important to hear feedback, because we walk a fine, stressful line between finding a place in our minds where our stories come alive and actually letting the words on the page take readers to that same alternate world. Writing is our own, but it also thrives from being a collaborative experience, which in turn makes your job as a writer that much more entertaining, complex, and compelling.
My challenge to you is one that I continue to struggle with: Leave your messy computer desk, come out of that writing nook in the corner of your room, and talk about your writing. Although it may be difficult to expose yourself so early in the process, your clear mind, fresh perspective, and faithful readers will thank you for it.
Bio:
Molly Borter graduated with a degree in English Writing at DePauw University and works as a writer in Indianapolis, IN. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, blogging about beauty products and fashionable sunglasses, and spending time with her family and friends.
BDSM Love & Relationships with Dr. Charley Ferrer
>I’d like to welcome our special guest Dr. Charley Ferrer.
Dr. Charley Ferrer is a world renowned Clinical Sexologist, Talk Show Host, and award winning author. She has appeared on numerous radio and television and is a freelance writer for various newspapers and magazines. She lectures on relationships and sexual health throughout the United States and Latin America.
BDSM Love & Relationships
By
Dr. Charley Ferrer
I’ve been a Clinical Sexologist and Relationship Mentor for over 15 years. I’ve written six other books on sexuality and self-empowerment, even won the award for Best Self-Help Book 2002 with my first book, The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman. My book, The Latina Kama Sutra, was nominated for best sexuality book in 2008. And though I’m beyond proud of all my books, I’m especially thrilled about my two new books BDSM FOR WRITERS and BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH.It’s my hope that with these two new books on Dominance and submission, I can pull back the leather curtain and show you the truth behind this uniquely erotic and often misunderstand lifestyle. BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH will assist you, the reader, to better understand the men and women who identify within this unique mindset and dispel many of the misconceptions the media and Hollywood have erroneously portrayed in order to sensationalize the audience and make money. It’s my desire to shed some like into the dark abyss and show you that the men and women who participate in Power Exchange relationships are not weird, perverted, nor mentally unstable though their desires do not conform to the norm. Please note I stated “norm” not normal. BDSM IS A NORMAL expression of an individual’s sexual and sensual desires; however it is not a common.
I’m often asked if BDSM is about one person hurting another. The answer to that is NO! The major difference between BDSM and domestic violence is that when the submissive (receiver) asks the Dominant (giver) to stop—the Dominant stops! In a domestic violence situation, the abuser does not stop. Often there is anger and hatred behind domestic violence. In a power exchange relationship, there is no malice. The individuals are not trying to hurt nor injury each other; they merely wish to share a sacred part of themselves with another. And yes, their interactions may look different than your typical relationships however when you stop and think about it, we all express our love and affection in a different ways.
Though they resemble their vanilla cousins to a large extent, Dominance and submission relationships differ greatly based not only because of the Power Exchange dynamics involved but based on the level of open communication and the willingness of each individual to open themselves up to their partner. This amazing mixture of communication, acceptance, affection, exploration and vulnerability are the foundation of every healthy and long lasting BDSM relationship. The most amazing essence of a Dominance and submission relationship isn’t the erotic thrills or the “whips and chains” as most would believe—it’s the communication. Dominants and submissives in a relationship speak about everything! Whereas most men and women entering into a vanilla relationship withhold information about their desires and sexual needs because they fear rejection or ridicule, in a Power Exchange relationship, the individual’s most embarrassing desires, their fears of abandonment, their fears of failure and never being good enough, their need for love and most importantly what these issues look like are immediately addressed or noted for further discussions. Granted the submissive typically reveals more of him or herself than the Dominant in this respect because let’s face it who wants a wimpy Dominant. However it is through these revelations, this baring of the soul by both partners, and the realistic declaration of their desires and what they’re willing to give and accept from each other that is the foundation of this unique relationship.
This doesn’t mean that the submissive or the Dominant won’t decide somewhere along the line that this relationship isn’t for them. Nor that fears won’t sometimes crop up and create obstacles. Yet because of their willingness to be honest about their needs and desires—in essence bare their soul and psyche to their partner—this openness will ensure these couples reach a level of intimacy and emotional connection unparalleled by their conventional vanilla cousins. And I dare say, they will reach it faster.
The fact that these emotional and psychologically intense topics are open for discussion within a few months if not at the commencement of their union, makes these relationships more realistic and emotionally stable than the typical conventional relationship where men and women hide behind a façade then wonder why things went wrong six months or two years or god forbid twenty years down the road and/or someone is cheating in order to get their sexual desires met.
I’m not saying that Power Exchange relationships are the best. What I am saying is, wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could be completely open with your partner and not have to hide any aspects of yourself; to know that you’re accepted completely despite your flaws or unconventional, erotic, and/or sexual desires. (Excerpt from BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH)
I have to chuckle when I think about how we all strive to be the best in what we do. We take workshops to find ourselves, go to college to learn to be better in our careers, play endless hours of video games or sports to “be the best”. And yet, the one aspect in our lives that will be with us forever—our sexuality—we quickly close our eyes to hoping that we’ll get it right some day.
It’s my greatest wish that BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH will open the door to a path of self discovery for you that allows you to embrace your wild adventurous side. And though you need not go to the extremes, you can dip your toes in this pond and take what you want from it. However if you find you don’t like it nor want to try, at least you can be confident in the fact that you’re making an informed decision instead of one based on ignorance or bias. For authors, BDSM FOR WRITERS provides you with the necessary information required to understand this unique lifestyle and be able to create characters which convey the true aspects of Dominance and submission. My book not only provides you with the basics but more importantly it helps you understand the psychology and the emotional connection men and women make in this lifestyle. Without that understanding, your D/s characters lack integrity and I dare say—credibility.
I want to thank you all for taking the time to stop by and leave your questions and comments. I also want to thank Joan for her kindness in creating those beautiful bookmarks and having me on her Blog to speak to you about my books. Please reserve your copy today at www.bdsmforwriters.com and enter to win over 30 wonderful kinky prizes and one mundane one. Plus if you leave a message or comment today, you’ll be entered to win.Live with passion,
Dr. Charley Ferrer
Dr. Charley has given us an extra special prize to giveaway:
A set of hand made metal shackles, compliments of Dungeon Delights
A set of hand made metal shackles, compliments of Dungeon Delights
and worth $79-$99 !!!
Other prizes:~ A copy of Dr. Charley’s book – winner’s choice
~ 1 of 5 handmade bookmarks, pictured above
Ways to enter:
1 point for blog comment here
1 point for Tweeting:
@DoctorCharley author of #BDSM for #Writers talking #Relationships w #GIVEAWAY of shackles, book, bookmarks! http://bit.ly/o8xEuO #drcharley
1 point for liking Dr. Charley’s Facebook page:
Contest closes 7/13, midnight pacific time.
Winners chosen, announced, and contacted via email 7/14
** MUST leave a contact email to WIN **
>BDSM Love & Relationships with Dr. Charley Ferrer
>I’d like to welcome our special guest Dr. Charley Ferrer.
Dr. Charley Ferrer is a world renowned Clinical Sexologist, Talk Show Host, and award winning author. She has appeared on numerous radio and television and is a freelance writer for various newspapers and magazines. She lectures on relationships and sexual health throughout the United States and Latin America.
BDSM Love & Relationships
By
Dr. Charley Ferrer
I’ve been a Clinical Sexologist and Relationship Mentor for over 15 years. I’ve written six other books on sexuality and self-empowerment, even won the award for Best Self-Help Book 2002 with my first book, The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman. My book, The Latina Kama Sutra, was nominated for best sexuality book in 2008. And though I’m beyond proud of all my books, I’m especially thrilled about my two new books BDSM FOR WRITERS and BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH.It’s my hope that with these two new books on Dominance and submission, I can pull back the leather curtain and show you the truth behind this uniquely erotic and often misunderstand lifestyle. BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH will assist you, the reader, to better understand the men and women who identify within this unique mindset and dispel many of the misconceptions the media and Hollywood have erroneously portrayed in order to sensationalize the audience and make money. It’s my desire to shed some like into the dark abyss and show you that the men and women who participate in Power Exchange relationships are not weird, perverted, nor mentally unstable though their desires do not conform to the norm. Please note I stated “norm” not normal. BDSM IS A NORMAL expression of an individual’s sexual and sensual desires; however it is not a common.
I’m often asked if BDSM is about one person hurting another. The answer to that is NO! The major difference between BDSM and domestic violence is that when the submissive (receiver) asks the Dominant (giver) to stop—the Dominant stops! In a domestic violence situation, the abuser does not stop. Often there is anger and hatred behind domestic violence. In a power exchange relationship, there is no malice. The individuals are not trying to hurt nor injury each other; they merely wish to share a sacred part of themselves with another. And yes, their interactions may look different than your typical relationships however when you stop and think about it, we all express our love and affection in a different ways.
Though they resemble their vanilla cousins to a large extent, Dominance and submission relationships differ greatly based not only because of the Power Exchange dynamics involved but based on the level of open communication and the willingness of each individual to open themselves up to their partner. This amazing mixture of communication, acceptance, affection, exploration and vulnerability are the foundation of every healthy and long lasting BDSM relationship. The most amazing essence of a Dominance and submission relationship isn’t the erotic thrills or the “whips and chains” as most would believe—it’s the communication. Dominants and submissives in a relationship speak about everything! Whereas most men and women entering into a vanilla relationship withhold information about their desires and sexual needs because they fear rejection or ridicule, in a Power Exchange relationship, the individual’s most embarrassing desires, their fears of abandonment, their fears of failure and never being good enough, their need for love and most importantly what these issues look like are immediately addressed or noted for further discussions. Granted the submissive typically reveals more of him or herself than the Dominant in this respect because let’s face it who wants a wimpy Dominant. However it is through these revelations, this baring of the soul by both partners, and the realistic declaration of their desires and what they’re willing to give and accept from each other that is the foundation of this unique relationship.
This doesn’t mean that the submissive or the Dominant won’t decide somewhere along the line that this relationship isn’t for them. Nor that fears won’t sometimes crop up and create obstacles. Yet because of their willingness to be honest about their needs and desires—in essence bare their soul and psyche to their partner—this openness will ensure these couples reach a level of intimacy and emotional connection unparalleled by their conventional vanilla cousins. And I dare say, they will reach it faster.
The fact that these emotional and psychologically intense topics are open for discussion within a few months if not at the commencement of their union, makes these relationships more realistic and emotionally stable than the typical conventional relationship where men and women hide behind a façade then wonder why things went wrong six months or two years or god forbid twenty years down the road and/or someone is cheating in order to get their sexual desires met.
I’m not saying that Power Exchange relationships are the best. What I am saying is, wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could be completely open with your partner and not have to hide any aspects of yourself; to know that you’re accepted completely despite your flaws or unconventional, erotic, and/or sexual desires. (Excerpt from BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH)
I have to chuckle when I think about how we all strive to be the best in what we do. We take workshops to find ourselves, go to college to learn to be better in our careers, play endless hours of video games or sports to “be the best”. And yet, the one aspect in our lives that will be with us forever—our sexuality—we quickly close our eyes to hoping that we’ll get it right some day.
It’s my greatest wish that BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH will open the door to a path of self discovery for you that allows you to embrace your wild adventurous side. And though you need not go to the extremes, you can dip your toes in this pond and take what you want from it. However if you find you don’t like it nor want to try, at least you can be confident in the fact that you’re making an informed decision instead of one based on ignorance or bias. For authors, BDSM FOR WRITERS provides you with the necessary information required to understand this unique lifestyle and be able to create characters which convey the true aspects of Dominance and submission. My book not only provides you with the basics but more importantly it helps you understand the psychology and the emotional connection men and women make in this lifestyle. Without that understanding, your D/s characters lack integrity and I dare say—credibility.
I want to thank you all for taking the time to stop by and leave your questions and comments. I also want to thank Joan for her kindness in creating those beautiful bookmarks and having me on her Blog to speak to you about my books. Please reserve your copy today at www.bdsmforwriters.com and enter to win over 30 wonderful kinky prizes and one mundane one. Plus if you leave a message or comment today, you’ll be entered to win.Live with passion,
Dr. Charley Ferrer
Dr. Charley has given us an extra special prize to giveaway:
A set of hand made metal shackles, compliments of Dungeon Delights
A set of hand made metal shackles, compliments of Dungeon Delights
and worth $79-$99 !!!
Other prizes:~ A copy of Dr. Charley’s book – winner’s choice
~ 1 of 5 handmade bookmarks, pictured above
Ways to enter:
1 point for blog comment here
1 point for Tweeting:
@DoctorCharley author of #BDSM for #Writers talking #Relationships w #GIVEAWAY of shackles, book, bookmarks! http://bit.ly/o8xEuO #drcharley
1 point for liking Dr. Charley’s Facebook page:
Contest closes 7/13, midnight pacific time.
Winners chosen, announced, and contacted via email 7/14
** MUST leave a contact email to WIN **
The Real Story Behind Pacing…post at Magical Musings
>I used to think pacing was all about action. Car chases, shootouts, hostage situation or, if we’re talking about a contemporary romance, it would be a personal crisis or business in immediate jeopardy.
Then I read the most recent Koontz novel What the Night Knows. And I realized that pacing isn’t about action, it’s all about presenting story questions then making your reader wait to discover the answer.
>The Real Story Behind Pacing…post at Magical Musings
>I used to think pacing was all about action. Car chases, shootouts, hostage situation or, if we’re talking about a contemporary romance, it would be a personal crisis or business in immediate jeopardy.
Then I read the most recent Koontz novel What the Night Knows. And I realized that pacing isn’t about action, it’s all about presenting story questions then making your reader wait to discover the answer.
Positive Self-Talk–Examples
>
Yes, I know, I’m late. I promised Tuesday and it’s Thursday. Life–it’s my only excuse.This is the third post in the theme of utilizing your subconscious in writing and life. While the posts layer upon each other for a deeper understanding, they each stand alone as well. For more information check out the previous posts:
Today I’m sharing a bunch of great examples of positive self-talk you can adopt, alter and make your own.
I’m the type who always wants to know why something works. If I get a crap answer, I’ll doubt the premise. If I get a logical or scientific answer, I’m apt to believe. Or, at least believe until something happens to make me doubt.
So…why does self-talk work?
- Self-talk affects the subconscious mind. It is the type of talk that chatters constantly in the back of our minds without specific, conscious thought. Things we think, but don’t say. Things we tell ourselves about ourselves or about our job or our life, but don’t rationalize or justify before we say them.
- The subconscious mind is programmed similarly to the way a computer is programmed, so like a computer the subconscious mind will only perform the tasks it is programmed to perform.
- Information presented to the subconscious mind causes both a psychological and a physiological response.
- The subconscious mind does not hold any biases or beliefs other than those that have already been programmed in.
- The brain records exactly what it receives without regard to where it comes from or how it get the information. The brain doesn’t care whether the information is true or false, right or wrong.
- The programming you accept from others and the conscious and unconscious directives, pictures, feelings and thoughts that you transmit to yourself in your own control center of the brain–the subconscious mind.
Those are just some of the reasons. If you want to get down to the nitty-gritty, I suggest reading The Self-Talk Solution by Shad Helmstetter, which is one of the main sources of my information. I’ve gathered other supporting information on this topic from various other experts in the field of psychology.
Before we get into the examples of what we should be saying to ourselves, it would be beneficial to recognize what types of phrases we should not be saying.
What NOT to say:
- Nothing ever goes right. (a.k.a. Could just one thing go right?)
- I’m no good at … (fill in the blank) (a.k.a. I’m not that creative/smart/ambitious)
- Why should I try? It won’t work out anyway.
- I can’t get caught up. (I don’t have enough time. This is too much work.)
- I’ve tried, I can’t.
- What is wrong with me today? (a.k.a. Why isn’t my mind working?)
- It’s just not my day.
- I’m so tired.
I’ve been guilty of just about every one of these in one form or another — for the better part of my life. Hence, my generally negative/pessimistic personality for the majority of my years.
Now, I consciously make the effort to change my thoughts around by restructuring my sentences.
Mini personal story: At my work, there is one particular doctor who is incredibly challenging to work with. My self-esteem always seemed to take a hit after a shift with her. I developed my own “mantra” for self-talk repetition whenever we worked together. I am enough. I do enough. I know enough. This short, quick, easy little string of words greatly enhanced my working experience with her and reduced the stress during those days.
Things TO say:
- I’m making progress.
- I can handle this.
- I’m willing to try.
- I am in control of this.
- I am excellent at … writing/singing/problem solving
- I have a fantastic … mind/talent/ability with people
- I keep trying.
- I’ll get it.
So, here are a few examples for different parts of your life, although they are heavily weighted toward creativity/writing because that is my main audience here. But you can take the base of any statement and change it to fit your specific situation and/or need.
Most of these are generalized. I’ve put options related to how you could tailor them toward your writing life in (parenthesis).
**Remember, the key to making self-talk work isn’t simply repeating the words over and over. But, visualize, feel it, live it and infuse gratitude.
Creativity: Because creativity is the essence of writing.
It’s not a question of whether you can be more creative. The question is only whether you will allow yourself to exercise the creativity you already have. ~Shad Helmstetter
- I see my own creativity as the key that unlocks my true potential (as an author).
- I admire and respect others who use their own imagination to benefit themselves and others (their characters).
- I know others see me and respect me as a creative, resourceful individual (writer).
- I am not afraid to try the untried, walk new paths or search for new or better alternatives in my life (writing).
- Today, I am more creative then ever before.
- Since my imagination has no limits, my creativity knows no bounds.
- The more I practice using my creative mind (writing), the more creative (successful) I become.
- My own creativity allows me to unlock the source from which all ideas flow (bestsellers are born).
- I am a bestseller. I am a bestseller. I am…oh, sorry. Got a little carried away there.
Overcoming the fear of failure: Because even multi-published authors fear this with every book.
- I am never afraid to try. I enjoy staying with it and moving forward.
- I give myself freedom to fail and reap the success those attempts have brought me.
- I prepare myself with the knowledge and skill I need to succeed.
Getting more done: Because we writers are consummate procrastinators.
- I place great value on taking action. I see what needs to be done and I do it.
- Both the quality and the quantity of what I do (my writing) is important to me. The rewards I achieve are worth the investment I make.
- I look forward each day to increasing my effectiveness (word count) and accomplishing more.
Perseverance (and hope): Because no author would succeed without it.
- I have faith, I have courage, I have belief–in myself and my writing.
- Each day I have more hope and conviction in my ability to solve any problem (craft a novel worthy of the bestsellers list).
- I never give up. I am a winner, and I give myself the energy and belief to come out on top (of the bestsellers list).
Dealing with problems: Because in the publishing industry, there is no avoiding them.
- I like challenges and meet them head on.
- My will, my strength, my determination are always stronger than any problem I face.
- I know every problem holds within itself the keys to its own solution.
Speaking and Writing with Confidence: Self-explanatory.
- I have good ideas and I am able to express my ideas in a clear and interesting way. (I’m a killer storyteller.)
- People like the way I express myself, and they enjoy hearing my thoughts and ideas. (People love my writing and enjoy reading my novels).
- My mind gives me the words I need, right when I need them.
Positive risk-taking: Because every new character, new plot, new story is a risk.
- To me, a good risk is a bridge to my success and a doorway to greater opportunity (the next contract).
- I am willing to accept those risks which are necessary for the fulfillment of my goals.
- Any risk I accept is a healthy new force in my life. A challenge and worthwhile goal. Another win in the making.
- I have the courage to do what I need to do (write on the edge) to get where I want to go (to the best seller’s list).
Improving your career: Because if you stagnate in the publishing sea, you get eaten by sharks.
- I enjoy seeking and finding new opportunities in my life (publishing).
- I never allow the word “no” to stop me or even slow me down.
- I look forward and never look back.
- I am creating a bright, positive, successful future for myself.
- I know where I’m going (I will be a bestseller), and I’m well on my way.
Learning to say no (a.k.a. protecting your writing time): Essential skill for every author.
- I carefully guard the time I set aside for things which are important to me (writing).
- My time and energies are gifts which I protect and give by my choice, not the dictates of others.
- Saying no is easy for me. I am confident, self-assured and in control of my life.
I could go on and on, but I’m sure you get the idea.
I would love to hear some of your own positive self-talk.
>Positive Self-Talk–Examples
>
Yes, I know, I’m late. I promised Tuesday and it’s Thursday. Life–it’s my only excuse.This is the third post in the theme of utilizing your subconscious in writing and life. While the posts layer upon each other for a deeper understanding, they each stand alone as well. For more information check out the previous posts:
Today I’m sharing a bunch of great examples of positive self-talk you can adopt, alter and make your own.
I’m the type who always wants to know why something works. If I get a crap answer, I’ll doubt the premise. If I get a logical or scientific answer, I’m apt to believe. Or, at least believe until something happens to make me doubt.
So…why does self-talk work?
- Self-talk affects the subconscious mind. It is the type of talk that chatters constantly in the back of our minds without specific, conscious thought. Things we think, but don’t say. Things we tell ourselves about ourselves or about our job or our life, but don’t rationalize or justify before we say them.
- The subconscious mind is programmed similarly to the way a computer is programmed, so like a computer the subconscious mind will only perform the tasks it is programmed to perform.
- Information presented to the subconscious mind causes both a psychological and a physiological response.
- The subconscious mind does not hold any biases or beliefs other than those that have already been programmed in.
- The brain records exactly what it receives without regard to where it comes from or how it get the information. The brain doesn’t care whether the information is true or false, right or wrong.
- The programming you accept from others and the conscious and unconscious directives, pictures, feelings and thoughts that you transmit to yourself in your own control center of the brain–the subconscious mind.
Those are just some of the reasons. If you want to get down to the nitty-gritty, I suggest reading The Self-Talk Solution by Shad Helmstetter, which is one of the main sources of my information. I’ve gathered other supporting information on this topic from various other experts in the field of psychology.
Before we get into the examples of what we should be saying to ourselves, it would be beneficial to recognize what types of phrases we should not be saying.
What NOT to say:
- Nothing ever goes right. (a.k.a. Could just one thing go right?)
- I’m no good at … (fill in the blank) (a.k.a. I’m not that creative/smart/ambitious)
- Why should I try? It won’t work out anyway.
- I can’t get caught up. (I don’t have enough time. This is too much work.)
- I’ve tried, I can’t.
- What is wrong with me today? (a.k.a. Why isn’t my mind working?)
- It’s just not my day.
- I’m so tired.
I’ve been guilty of just about every one of these in one form or another — for the better part of my life. Hence, my generally negative/pessimistic personality for the majority of my years.
Now, I consciously make the effort to change my thoughts around by restructuring my sentences.
Mini personal story: At my work, there is one particular doctor who is incredibly challenging to work with. My self-esteem always seemed to take a hit after a shift with her. I developed my own “mantra” for self-talk repetition whenever we worked together. I am enough. I do enough. I know enough. This short, quick, easy little string of words greatly enhanced my working experience with her and reduced the stress during those days.
Things TO say:
- I’m making progress.
- I can handle this.
- I’m willing to try.
- I am in control of this.
- I am excellent at … writing/singing/problem solving
- I have a fantastic … mind/talent/ability with people
- I keep trying.
- I’ll get it.
So, here are a few examples for different parts of your life, although they are heavily weighted toward creativity/writing because that is my main audience here. But you can take the base of any statement and change it to fit your specific situation and/or need.
Most of these are generalized. I’ve put options related to how you could tailor them toward your writing life in (parenthesis).
**Remember, the key to making self-talk work isn’t simply repeating the words over and over. But, visualize, feel it, live it and infuse gratitude.
Creativity: Because creativity is the essence of writing.
It’s not a question of whether you can be more creative. The question is only whether you will allow yourself to exercise the creativity you already have. ~Shad Helmstetter
- I see my own creativity as the key that unlocks my true potential (as an author).
- I admire and respect others who use their own imagination to benefit themselves and others (their characters).
- I know others see me and respect me as a creative, resourceful individual (writer).
- I am not afraid to try the untried, walk new paths or search for new or better alternatives in my life (writing).
- Today, I am more creative then ever before.
- Since my imagination has no limits, my creativity knows no bounds.
- The more I practice using my creative mind (writing), the more creative (successful) I become.
- My own creativity allows me to unlock the source from which all ideas flow (bestsellers are born).
- I am a bestseller. I am a bestseller. I am…oh, sorry. Got a little carried away there.
Overcoming the fear of failure: Because even multi-published authors fear this with every book.
- I am never afraid to try. I enjoy staying with it and moving forward.
- I give myself freedom to fail and reap the success those attempts have brought me.
- I prepare myself with the knowledge and skill I need to succeed.
Getting more done: Because we writers are consummate procrastinators.
- I place great value on taking action. I see what needs to be done and I do it.
- Both the quality and the quantity of what I do (my writing) is important to me. The rewards I achieve are worth the investment I make.
- I look forward each day to increasing my effectiveness (word count) and accomplishing more.
Perseverance (and hope): Because no author would succeed without it.
- I have faith, I have courage, I have belief–in myself and my writing.
- Each day I have more hope and conviction in my ability to solve any problem (craft a novel worthy of the bestsellers list).
- I never give up. I am a winner, and I give myself the energy and belief to come out on top (of the bestsellers list).
Dealing with problems: Because in the publishing industry, there is no avoiding them.
- I like challenges and meet them head on.
- My will, my strength, my determination are always stronger than any problem I face.
- I know every problem holds within itself the keys to its own solution.
Speaking and Writing with Confidence: Self-explanatory.
- I have good ideas and I am able to express my ideas in a clear and interesting way. (I’m a killer storyteller.)
- People like the way I express myself, and they enjoy hearing my thoughts and ideas. (People love my writing and enjoy reading my novels).
- My mind gives me the words I need, right when I need them.
Positive risk-taking: Because every new character, new plot, new story is a risk.
- To me, a good risk is a bridge to my success and a doorway to greater opportunity (the next contract).
- I am willing to accept those risks which are necessary for the fulfillment of my goals.
- Any risk I accept is a healthy new force in my life. A challenge and worthwhile goal. Another win in the making.
- I have the courage to do what I need to do (write on the edge) to get where I want to go (to the best seller’s list).
Improving your career: Because if you stagnate in the publishing sea, you get eaten by sharks.
- I enjoy seeking and finding new opportunities in my life (publishing).
- I never allow the word “no” to stop me or even slow me down.
- I look forward and never look back.
- I am creating a bright, positive, successful future for myself.
- I know where I’m going (I will be a bestseller), and I’m well on my way.
Learning to say no (a.k.a. protecting your writing time): Essential skill for every author.
- I carefully guard the time I set aside for things which are important to me (writing).
- My time and energies are gifts which I protect and give by my choice, not the dictates of others.
- Saying no is easy for me. I am confident, self-assured and in control of my life.
I could go on and on, but I’m sure you get the idea.
I would love to hear some of your own positive self-talk.
>Powerful Search Tool for Writers
>
A searchable information base better than Google?
For writers looking for writing-related information and articles–yes. And it’s called the WRITER’S KNOWLEDGE BASE.
If you’re a writer and you don’t know Elizabeth Craig already, you’re in for a treat. Elizabeth is an author of fun cozy mysteries, full of entertaining characters and intriguing twists and turns. She is also a culler of over 1500 writers’ blogs where she gathers information from the best articles on the web written by authors of every genre covering every aspect of writing, from first paragraphs to promotion. After filtering the thousands of articles, she chooses the very best and posts them as links on Twitter @elizabethscraig, ultimately creating a well of quality information available to other writers–or anyone interested in writing.
Awesome resource, right? Wait. It gets better.
Enter Mike Flemming, software developer with 20+ years of experience. Mike has taken all the valuable and relevant articles Elizabeth has plucked from thousands of blogs and websites and designed a searchable database. That means a ton of saved time for authors. Now when you want to search for articles related to, say, character development or social media, you receive writer-specific, quality articles in return with Google-like speed. And unlike Google, all of the results are relevant to you as a writer.
And it’s just beginning. Mike and Elizabeth continue to improve WKB with advancing technology and input from users.
So give it a try, let Mike and Elizabeth know what you think, and tell all your authorly friends!
Enjoy!
Writer’s Knowledge Base’s Facebook Page
Writer’s Knowledge Blog Page
Powerful Search Tool for Writers
>
A searchable information base better than Google?
For writers looking for writing-related information and articles–yes. And it’s called the WRITER’S KNOWLEDGE BASE.
If you’re a writer and you don’t know Elizabeth Craig already, you’re in for a treat. Elizabeth is an author of fun cozy mysteries, full of entertaining characters and intriguing twists and turns. She is also a culler of over 1500 writers’ blogs where she gathers information from the best articles on the web written by authors of every genre covering every aspect of writing, from first paragraphs to promotion. After filtering the thousands of articles, she chooses the very best and posts them as links on Twitter @elizabethscraig, ultimately creating a well of quality information available to other writers–or anyone interested in writing.
Awesome resource, right? Wait. It gets better.
Enter Mike Flemming, software developer with 20+ years of experience. Mike has taken all the valuable and relevant articles Elizabeth has plucked from thousands of blogs and websites and designed a searchable database. That means a ton of saved time for authors. Now when you want to search for articles related to, say, character development or social media, you receive writer-specific, quality articles in return with Google-like speed. And unlike Google, all of the results are relevant to you as a writer.
And it’s just beginning. Mike and Elizabeth continue to improve WKB with advancing technology and input from users.
So give it a try, let Mike and Elizabeth know what you think, and tell all your authorly friends!
Enjoy!
Writer’s Knowledge Base’s Facebook Page
Writer’s Knowledge Blog Page