As I've mentioned in other articles, my agent felt the
characters in
Safe in Enemy Arms weren't "3-D" enough.
Getting into these characters' heads wasn't easy. In
fact, it was painfully frustrating.
But, along the way, I found several...what I call
mini-tools...very effective in layering in character and
drawing each (hero/heroine/villain and even secondary
characters) more realistically. Of course, my agent may have
another opinion when she reads the revisions, but I'm sure
we'll both agree they are more "3-D" than they were before.
Since examples always help me when I'm trying to grasp a
concept and apply it to my own work, I'm going to use them
here. So I don't drone on and on, I will only use my
heroine's examples.
Part One--Internals
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know all about internals, you say. But
bear with me here. It never hurts to go over a topic you're
already familiar with and internals are the base element of
Deepening Character with a Powerful Tri-fecta.
When I say internals, I don't mean 'What is she thinking?'.
I mean, what's
really going on inside her head? And
how does it change, or does it, and why? What is she
struggling with emotionally, logically? What external forces
are in affect? What is her thought process when she's making
a decision? How does she feel, physically?
Example 1:
(Situation: Cassie (heroine) driving back to Baja, MX, to
tie up loose ends after her mother's and stepbrother's
deaths.)
Just seeing Sharpe, just looking
into those eyes again.... The fine hairs on her arms
prickled to attention. She shivered. Her fingers curled
around the steering wheel, and she shook the image of his
handsome face, chiseled and cold, from her mind. But the
alternative thoughts of going home to confront her equally
calculating and manipulative stepfather without the love of
her mother or the support of her stepbrother did nothing to
ease her mind.
Result:
Identifying Cassie's struggles/conflicts and how they affect
her both physically and emotionally. I'm now inside her
head, her heart and her body as she contemplates her
immediate future while comparing it to her past.
***
Example 2:
As she rounded the trunk of her car,
Cassie studied the accident scene, gauging the needs of
others while weighing the risk to her own safety. But when
it came to her duties as a physician, personal security
issues came in second.
Result: Again
cluing the reader in on her conflicts with the added benefit
of showing what it is that's motivating her to make
decisions--
a big window into a person's character:
why
they do what they do.
***
Example 3:
She was way out of her league here.
Her throat ached. Her legs shook. To keep her focus, she
mentally reviewed the contents of her bag for possible
weapons: scalpel, scissors, needles, flashlight.
Result: The
reader knows she's scared, they know she's strong and smart,
they know she's not going to back down. They know all this
because they know what she's thinking--she's thinking about
weapons to protect herself. This also suggests something
about her past and how it has shaped her into the person the
reader is meeting here in chapter one.
***
Example 4:
Shit, she shouldn't be in this truck.
She would be trapped if--no. No. She couldn't think about
that. Cassie bit her lip for damage control. She couldn't
afford to lose her professional edge here and now.
Concentrate, Dr. Christo.
Result: Deep
third person gets the reader tangled in the character's
psyche. They can understand the character's thought process,
and, if we (us writers) are lucky, can even feel the
character's emotions, enabling them to more fully understand
who this person is, and connect with them as a result.
***
Example 5:
She could have retreated now that
medical personnel were on scene, but with others there she
didn't feel the pressing need to flee. These women had been
herded into the back of a truck like animals, and she was
determined to get as much information about the situation as
possible. She couldn't bring back the three that had died
tonight, but she might be able to stop this particular
smuggler from striking again.
Result: Shows
conflict--her own safety vs. helping the women, getting
information vs. risking her security. Shows her
values--considering the needs of others first. And shows her
motivation--putting an end to the smuggling, easing the pain
of others. Considering the previous mini-flashbacks of a bad
man in her past, I think there is sufficient intrigue
created to push the reader forward to seek answers to that
particular story question (among others).
***
These excerpts are all taken from the first scene of Safe in
Enemy Arms. By the middle of chapter one, the reader will
(hopefully) understand Cassie's personality while getting a
glimpse of conflicts to come and her motivation to resolve
those conflicts. I believe the reader will be well connected
with her and already cheering her on.
Internals don't have to be direct thoughts to come through
loud and clear. Showing the pattern of decision-making,
showing emotion through body and mind, showing flashes of
motivation will all go a long way toward deepening your
character.
