fear of success

Positive Self-Talk–Examples

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Yes, I know, I’m late.  I promised Tuesday and it’s Thursday.  Life–it’s my only excuse.
This is the third post in the theme of utilizing your subconscious in writing and life.  While the posts layer upon each other for a deeper understanding, they each stand alone as well.  For more information check out the previous posts:

Today I’m sharing a bunch of great examples of positive self-talk you can adopt, alter and make your own. 

I’m the type who always wants to know why something works.  If I get a crap answer, I’ll doubt the premise.  If I get a logical or scientific answer, I’m apt to believe.  Or, at least believe until something happens to make me doubt.

So…why does self-talk work?

  • Self-talk affects the subconscious mind.  It is the type of talk that chatters constantly in the back of our minds without specific, conscious thought.  Things we think, but don’t say.  Things we tell ourselves about ourselves or about our job or our life, but don’t rationalize or justify before we say them.
  • The subconscious mind is programmed similarly to the way a computer is programmed, so like a computer the subconscious mind will only perform the tasks it is programmed to perform.
  • Information presented to the subconscious mind causes both a psychological and a physiological response.
  • The subconscious mind does not hold any biases or beliefs other than those that have already been programmed in.
  • The brain records exactly what it receives without regard to where it comes from or how it get the information.  The brain doesn’t care whether the information is true or false, right or wrong.
  • The programming you accept from others and the conscious and unconscious directives, pictures, feelings and thoughts that you transmit to yourself in your own control center of the brain–the subconscious mind.

Those are just some of the reasons.  If you want to get down to the nitty-gritty, I suggest reading The Self-Talk Solution by Shad Helmstetter, which is one of the main sources of my information.  I’ve gathered other supporting information on this topic from various other experts in the field of psychology.

Before we get into the examples of what we should be saying to ourselves, it would be beneficial to recognize what types of phrases we should not be saying.

What NOT to say:

  • Nothing ever goes right.  (a.k.a. Could just one thing go right?)
  • I’m no good at … (fill in the blank)  (a.k.a. I’m not that creative/smart/ambitious)
  • Why should I try?  It won’t work out anyway.
  • I can’t get caught up.  (I don’t have enough time. This is too much work.)
  • I’ve tried, I can’t. 
  • What is wrong with me today?  (a.k.a. Why isn’t my mind working?)
  • It’s just not my day.
  • I’m so tired.

I’ve been guilty of just about every one of these in one form or another — for the better part of my life.  Hence, my generally negative/pessimistic personality for the majority of my years.

Now, I consciously make the effort to change my thoughts around by restructuring my sentences. 

Mini personal story:  At my work, there is one particular doctor who is incredibly challenging to work with.  My self-esteem always seemed to take a hit after a shift with her.  I developed my own “mantra” for self-talk repetition whenever we worked together.  I am enough. I do enough. I know enough.  This short, quick, easy little string of words greatly enhanced my working experience with her and reduced the stress during those days.

Things TO say:

  • I’m making progress.
  • I can handle this.
  • I’m willing to try.
  • I am in control of this.
  • I am excellent at … writing/singing/problem solving
  • I have a fantastic … mind/talent/ability with people
  • I keep trying.
  • I’ll get it.

So, here are a few examples for different parts of your life, although they are heavily weighted toward creativity/writing because that is my main audience here.  But you can take the base of any statement and change it to fit your specific situation and/or need.

Most of these are generalized.  I’ve put options related to how you could tailor them toward your writing life in (parenthesis).

**Remember, the key to making self-talk work isn’t simply repeating the words over and over.  But, visualize, feel it, live it and infuse gratitude

Creativity: Because creativity is the essence of writing.

It’s not a question of whether you can be more creative. The question is only whether you will allow yourself to exercise the creativity you already have. ~Shad Helmstetter

  • I see my own creativity as the key that unlocks my true potential (as an author).
  • I admire and respect others who use their own imagination to benefit themselves and others (their characters).
  • I know others see me and respect me as a creative, resourceful individual (writer).
  • I am not afraid to try the untried, walk new paths or search for new or better alternatives in my life (writing).
  • Today, I am more creative then ever before.
  • Since my imagination has no limits, my creativity knows no bounds.
  • The more I practice using my creative mind (writing), the more creative (successful) I become.
  • My own creativity allows me to unlock the source from which all ideas flow (bestsellers are born).
  • I am a bestseller. I am a bestseller.  I am…oh, sorry.  Got a little carried away there.

Overcoming the fear of failure: Because even multi-published authors fear this with every book.

  • I am never afraid to try. I enjoy staying with it and moving forward.
  • I give myself freedom to fail and reap the success those attempts have brought me.
  • I prepare myself with the knowledge and skill I need to succeed.

Getting more done: Because we writers are consummate procrastinators.

  • I place great value on taking action. I see what needs to be done and I do it.
  • Both the quality and the quantity of what I do (my writing) is important to me. The rewards I achieve are worth the investment I make.
  • I look forward each day to increasing my effectiveness (word count) and accomplishing more.

 Perseverance (and hope): Because no author would succeed without it.

  • I have faith, I have courage, I have belief–in myself and my writing.
  • Each day I have more hope and conviction in my ability to solve any problem (craft a novel worthy of the bestsellers list).
  • I never give up.  I am a winner, and I give myself the energy and belief to come out on top (of the bestsellers list).

Dealing with problems: Because in the publishing industry, there is no avoiding them.

  • I like challenges and meet them head on.
  • My will, my strength, my determination are always stronger than any problem I face.
  • I know every problem holds within itself the keys to its own solution.

Speaking and Writing with Confidence: Self-explanatory.

  • I have good ideas and I am able to express my ideas in a clear and interesting way.  (I’m a killer storyteller.)
  • People like the way I express myself, and they enjoy hearing my thoughts and ideas. (People love my writing and enjoy reading my novels).
  • My mind gives me the words I need, right when I need them.

Positive risk-taking: Because every new character, new plot, new story is a risk.

  • To me, a good risk is a bridge to my success and a doorway to greater opportunity (the next contract).
  • I am willing to accept those risks which are necessary for the fulfillment of my goals.
  • Any risk I accept is a healthy new force in my life.  A challenge and worthwhile goal.  Another win in the making.
  • I have the courage to do what I need to do (write on the edge) to get where I want to go (to the best seller’s list).

Improving your career: Because if you stagnate in the publishing sea, you get eaten by sharks.

  • I enjoy seeking and finding new opportunities in my life (publishing).
  • I never allow the word “no” to stop me or even slow me down.
  • I look forward and never look back.
  • I am creating a bright, positive, successful future for myself.
  • I know where I’m going (I will be a bestseller), and I’m well on my way.

Learning to say no (a.k.a. protecting your writing time): Essential skill for every author.

  • I carefully guard the time I set aside for things which are important to me (writing).
  • My time and energies are gifts which I protect and give by my choice, not the dictates of others.
  • Saying no is easy for me.  I am confident, self-assured and in control of my life.

I could go on and on, but I’m sure you get the idea.

I would love to hear some of your own positive self-talk. 

>Positive Self-Talk–Examples

>

Yes, I know, I’m late.  I promised Tuesday and it’s Thursday.  Life–it’s my only excuse.
This is the third post in the theme of utilizing your subconscious in writing and life.  While the posts layer upon each other for a deeper understanding, they each stand alone as well.  For more information check out the previous posts:

Today I’m sharing a bunch of great examples of positive self-talk you can adopt, alter and make your own. 

I’m the type who always wants to know why something works.  If I get a crap answer, I’ll doubt the premise.  If I get a logical or scientific answer, I’m apt to believe.  Or, at least believe until something happens to make me doubt.

So…why does self-talk work?

  • Self-talk affects the subconscious mind.  It is the type of talk that chatters constantly in the back of our minds without specific, conscious thought.  Things we think, but don’t say.  Things we tell ourselves about ourselves or about our job or our life, but don’t rationalize or justify before we say them.
  • The subconscious mind is programmed similarly to the way a computer is programmed, so like a computer the subconscious mind will only perform the tasks it is programmed to perform.
  • Information presented to the subconscious mind causes both a psychological and a physiological response.
  • The subconscious mind does not hold any biases or beliefs other than those that have already been programmed in.
  • The brain records exactly what it receives without regard to where it comes from or how it get the information.  The brain doesn’t care whether the information is true or false, right or wrong.
  • The programming you accept from others and the conscious and unconscious directives, pictures, feelings and thoughts that you transmit to yourself in your own control center of the brain–the subconscious mind.

Those are just some of the reasons.  If you want to get down to the nitty-gritty, I suggest reading The Self-Talk Solution by Shad Helmstetter, which is one of the main sources of my information.  I’ve gathered other supporting information on this topic from various other experts in the field of psychology.

Before we get into the examples of what we should be saying to ourselves, it would be beneficial to recognize what types of phrases we should not be saying.

What NOT to say:

  • Nothing ever goes right.  (a.k.a. Could just one thing go right?)
  • I’m no good at … (fill in the blank)  (a.k.a. I’m not that creative/smart/ambitious)
  • Why should I try?  It won’t work out anyway.
  • I can’t get caught up.  (I don’t have enough time. This is too much work.)
  • I’ve tried, I can’t. 
  • What is wrong with me today?  (a.k.a. Why isn’t my mind working?)
  • It’s just not my day.
  • I’m so tired.

I’ve been guilty of just about every one of these in one form or another — for the better part of my life.  Hence, my generally negative/pessimistic personality for the majority of my years.

Now, I consciously make the effort to change my thoughts around by restructuring my sentences. 

Mini personal story:  At my work, there is one particular doctor who is incredibly challenging to work with.  My self-esteem always seemed to take a hit after a shift with her.  I developed my own “mantra” for self-talk repetition whenever we worked together.  I am enough. I do enough. I know enough.  This short, quick, easy little string of words greatly enhanced my working experience with her and reduced the stress during those days.

Things TO say:

  • I’m making progress.
  • I can handle this.
  • I’m willing to try.
  • I am in control of this.
  • I am excellent at … writing/singing/problem solving
  • I have a fantastic … mind/talent/ability with people
  • I keep trying.
  • I’ll get it.

So, here are a few examples for different parts of your life, although they are heavily weighted toward creativity/writing because that is my main audience here.  But you can take the base of any statement and change it to fit your specific situation and/or need.

Most of these are generalized.  I’ve put options related to how you could tailor them toward your writing life in (parenthesis).

**Remember, the key to making self-talk work isn’t simply repeating the words over and over.  But, visualize, feel it, live it and infuse gratitude

Creativity: Because creativity is the essence of writing.

It’s not a question of whether you can be more creative. The question is only whether you will allow yourself to exercise the creativity you already have. ~Shad Helmstetter

  • I see my own creativity as the key that unlocks my true potential (as an author).
  • I admire and respect others who use their own imagination to benefit themselves and others (their characters).
  • I know others see me and respect me as a creative, resourceful individual (writer).
  • I am not afraid to try the untried, walk new paths or search for new or better alternatives in my life (writing).
  • Today, I am more creative then ever before.
  • Since my imagination has no limits, my creativity knows no bounds.
  • The more I practice using my creative mind (writing), the more creative (successful) I become.
  • My own creativity allows me to unlock the source from which all ideas flow (bestsellers are born).
  • I am a bestseller. I am a bestseller.  I am…oh, sorry.  Got a little carried away there.

Overcoming the fear of failure: Because even multi-published authors fear this with every book.

  • I am never afraid to try. I enjoy staying with it and moving forward.
  • I give myself freedom to fail and reap the success those attempts have brought me.
  • I prepare myself with the knowledge and skill I need to succeed.

Getting more done: Because we writers are consummate procrastinators.

  • I place great value on taking action. I see what needs to be done and I do it.
  • Both the quality and the quantity of what I do (my writing) is important to me. The rewards I achieve are worth the investment I make.
  • I look forward each day to increasing my effectiveness (word count) and accomplishing more.

 Perseverance (and hope): Because no author would succeed without it.

  • I have faith, I have courage, I have belief–in myself and my writing.
  • Each day I have more hope and conviction in my ability to solve any problem (craft a novel worthy of the bestsellers list).
  • I never give up.  I am a winner, and I give myself the energy and belief to come out on top (of the bestsellers list).

Dealing with problems: Because in the publishing industry, there is no avoiding them.

  • I like challenges and meet them head on.
  • My will, my strength, my determination are always stronger than any problem I face.
  • I know every problem holds within itself the keys to its own solution.

Speaking and Writing with Confidence: Self-explanatory.

  • I have good ideas and I am able to express my ideas in a clear and interesting way.  (I’m a killer storyteller.)
  • People like the way I express myself, and they enjoy hearing my thoughts and ideas. (People love my writing and enjoy reading my novels).
  • My mind gives me the words I need, right when I need them.

Positive risk-taking: Because every new character, new plot, new story is a risk.

  • To me, a good risk is a bridge to my success and a doorway to greater opportunity (the next contract).
  • I am willing to accept those risks which are necessary for the fulfillment of my goals.
  • Any risk I accept is a healthy new force in my life.  A challenge and worthwhile goal.  Another win in the making.
  • I have the courage to do what I need to do (write on the edge) to get where I want to go (to the best seller’s list).

Improving your career: Because if you stagnate in the publishing sea, you get eaten by sharks.

  • I enjoy seeking and finding new opportunities in my life (publishing).
  • I never allow the word “no” to stop me or even slow me down.
  • I look forward and never look back.
  • I am creating a bright, positive, successful future for myself.
  • I know where I’m going (I will be a bestseller), and I’m well on my way.

Learning to say no (a.k.a. protecting your writing time): Essential skill for every author.

  • I carefully guard the time I set aside for things which are important to me (writing).
  • My time and energies are gifts which I protect and give by my choice, not the dictates of others.
  • Saying no is easy for me.  I am confident, self-assured and in control of my life.

I could go on and on, but I’m sure you get the idea.

I would love to hear some of your own positive self-talk. 

Overcoming Resistance (A.K.A. Fear)

>

Considering Halloween is here, fear seemed an appropriate topic for a post.

I just finished reading The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.

In a nutshell, this amazingly talented and successful writer speaks to a writer’s resistance to the writing itself, gives practical guidelines on how to overcome it and inspiration on the writer’s journey.

I have to admit, I’m struggling with this now.  And as the deadline for my second book to Kensington draws near, it seems I find more and more…resistance.

And…yes, this post as well as reading the e-book, counts as distraction, and thus, resistance.

Paraphrasing Pressfield’s astute definition of resistance, it is any distraction, real or contrived (mostly contrived) which keeps you from sitting down and getting the words on paper — or rather, on screen. 

You know them–blogging (eh-hem), research, facebook, twitter, reading, TV, movies, friends, kids, laundry, trimming the dog’s toe nails, washing the hamster, brainstorming your next series before you’ve finished the edits on the one in your editor’s hands… [yes this resembles you, dearest CP …].

Yes.  Distraction = Resistance.  I know.  Painfully so.  I’m there.

But, where does this resistance come from?

Ah, yes, fear.  I know it well.  That little devil whispers in my ear constantly.  “Will my editor like this?  Is it too ordinary?  Is it too contrived?  Is my plot organic?  Are my characters 3-D?  Is there too much sex?  Too little?  Too explicit?  Not explicit enough?  OMG, what if I write these 100,000 words and she hates it?”

You get the picture.  It’s not pretty.  It doesn’t feel pretty either.  And as I get closer to finishing–now about five chapters away, the stronger my resistance becomes.  Which, once again, is explained by Pressfield:

Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance. Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That’s why we feel so much Resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there’d be no Resistance.

Well, then, this writing gig must mean a lot to the growth of my soul, because I’m nearly frozen by the damn thing!

I’ll get over it.  I have countless times before.  I will again.  Because, deep down, I know writing for me is both a curse and a calling.  About 90%-10%, respectively.  I couldn’t quit writing any more than I could quit being a mother to my two teenage daughters.  As challenging, hair-pulling, nail-biting and potentially health threatening as it is…that’s who I am–as much a writer as a mother.

I’d just love to find a kinder, gentler way to beat this fear, a.k.a. resistance, so I’m not beating myself up over revisions right down to midnight the night before the dang project is due.

How do you handle fear and/or resistance?

>Overcoming Resistance (A.K.A. Fear)

>

Considering Halloween is here, fear seemed an appropriate topic for a post.

I just finished reading The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.

In a nutshell, this amazingly talented and successful writer speaks to a writer’s resistance to the writing itself, gives practical guidelines on how to overcome it and inspiration on the writer’s journey.

I have to admit, I’m struggling with this now.  And as the deadline for my second book to Kensington draws near, it seems I find more and more…resistance.

And…yes, this post as well as reading the e-book, counts as distraction, and thus, resistance.

Paraphrasing Pressfield’s astute definition of resistance, it is any distraction, real or contrived (mostly contrived) which keeps you from sitting down and getting the words on paper — or rather, on screen. 

You know them–blogging (eh-hem), research, facebook, twitter, reading, TV, movies, friends, kids, laundry, trimming the dog’s toe nails, washing the hamster, brainstorming your next series before you’ve finished the edits on the one in your editor’s hands… [yes this resembles you, dearest CP …].

Yes.  Distraction = Resistance.  I know.  Painfully so.  I’m there.

But, where does this resistance come from?

Ah, yes, fear.  I know it well.  That little devil whispers in my ear constantly.  “Will my editor like this?  Is it too ordinary?  Is it too contrived?  Is my plot organic?  Are my characters 3-D?  Is there too much sex?  Too little?  Too explicit?  Not explicit enough?  OMG, what if I write these 100,000 words and she hates it?”

You get the picture.  It’s not pretty.  It doesn’t feel pretty either.  And as I get closer to finishing–now about five chapters away, the stronger my resistance becomes.  Which, once again, is explained by Pressfield:

Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance. Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That’s why we feel so much Resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there’d be no Resistance.

Well, then, this writing gig must mean a lot to the growth of my soul, because I’m nearly frozen by the damn thing!

I’ll get over it.  I have countless times before.  I will again.  Because, deep down, I know writing for me is both a curse and a calling.  About 90%-10%, respectively.  I couldn’t quit writing any more than I could quit being a mother to my two teenage daughters.  As challenging, hair-pulling, nail-biting and potentially health threatening as it is…that’s who I am–as much a writer as a mother.

I’d just love to find a kinder, gentler way to beat this fear, a.k.a. resistance, so I’m not beating myself up over revisions right down to midnight the night before the dang project is due.

How do you handle fear and/or resistance?